It's June now. So fast time passes. It's been a year and a month I'm in TARC and I enjoyed myself here. =) Anyway, I just finished my AS Exam last Wednesday. And I need to start on A2 like straight away. =3= Well, classes start tomorrow, the first Monday after the exam. I WANT MY HOLIDAYS!!! Still, I feel happy as my life will have a direction then, not the usual what-should-i-do-today mood especially during holidays. However, I still wanna have more holidays, to rest (mostly sleep) and download stuff (movies..) and to eat without using money (mom's there to pay.. XD)
Right, so what happened in June so far? Well, the most amazing news in June : I FINISHED MY AS EXAM!!! WOO HOOOO~!!!!!!!!!!! XD My conclusion of the subjects so far.. Wait. It's after 24 hours already so it's ok.. XD (Cambridge have this 24-hours security rule which forbids us from participating in any forums to discuss the papers taken. So just in case we didn't even discuss the paper on FB.. >__< )
Anyway, my conclusion on the whole torturing exam month ;
MP - It was one of the easiest paper!! In fact probably the easiest I should say. It was a good start to AS, giving me the "hey! I can do this!" kind of feel. But that's like only one day. There's more depressing stuff coming.
MA - Was kinda ok too. But hey, it's maths. If you can't even handle maths don't even think about facing other subjects.
CHEM - P1 was just ok. I'll be thankful if I can score 30 out of 40. P2 was kinda ok also. Not as hard as I imagined. But others were complaining the paper was very difficult. I was like " O.o really? " Then I started to worry. I suck at Chemistry and I find the paper ok, others.. Then I started to panic if I did the whole paper wrongly or something. Gahhhh!! Whatever lar!!! was the mood for that day. Then P3 came. The most disastrous paper in AS!! At least to me. First, I don't know what I'm doing the whole 2 hours. I just did blurly. Second, I couldn't finish the paper. All the experiment took so long especially salt analysis, which took most of the scores for the paper. OTL Third, after the paper, I realise that I did wrongly for the experiments. So probably for results I won't score a thing, but then there's carry forward marks. Thank God!!! However, I was really down after P3. You will probably think I will commit suicide that night. XD But lucky there's friends who tried to cheer me up. =) Thank you Kit Fai, Min Yue, Cherrie and Jun Hui!! Really glad you guys took the time to teman me through my downest moment. =D Haihz. I will be happy if I can get a B for Chemistry now, though was hoping for A. Oh well, P3 just made A a dream. =(
PHY - P1 was blur. I have not enough time to finish the paper, I mean I just simply do the paper. >__< Haihz. This year Physics papers very different from past years. In P1, almost all the questions are theory ones. =3= And I screwed up the whole paper. OTL And P2? Ok gua. I don't know. Forgot ady. XD But as far as I remember it was not that bad. AND THEY TOOK AWAY MY NUCLEAR PHYSICS!!!! D< That's my scoring part!!!! Arghhhh!!! Anyway, P3 was very ok!! Except that I made a huge mistake in both experiments, but there's always carry forward marks. =) So as usual happy to get B but hoping for an A.
GP - Another mother-effing-super-difficult paper. =3= I am not a writer. I can't crap like Rach and make sense at the same time. And it proved me right that I shouldn't take it in the first place. So bottom line? C. That's all I'm hoping for. I know I will not get a B coz I only did my second essay last 30 minutes and as I remember I wrote out of topic. So yeah. God, make Cambridge gimme a C and I'll be thankful.
And there's no FM in AS. Hooray!! If not it will only be more depressing. And I dropped GP!!! Finally I can get away from that evil subject which almost cost me my scholarship twice. D<
Signing off.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
May : Month Of Stress
Right. It's May now. And AS's started last Monday. And semester 3 started as well. Next paper's Chemistry 2 which is on coming Monday. OMG. I feel like killing myself.
I CAN"T EVEN GET 40 OUT OF 60!!
People might see me smiling all the time, but how many can see inside me? Yeah, I'm smiling all the time, laughing all the time, but that does not mean I'm happy all the time.
Main concern right now : How to score the Chemistry Paper 2.
I just suck in Chemistry. And I'm alone. People in class always seem to be so smart, much smarter, all the time, in any subject. And I can barely cope with Chemistry, Physics or Further Mathematics. Not to mention GP also. I'm at my limit already. I just wanna break down and escape from all this. I can't stay strong all the time, and I'm not strong to begin with. Sometimes I think why did I take A-levels. Why did I have to torture myself with the long hours of classes, the never-ending tutorials, and I can't even understand some of the things I learnt. But no, I will not regret my decision to come here, TARC and taking Further Mathematics, for I will not have met people like Rach, Sam, Elie (though you transfered to KYUEM but I still consider you one of SN11P) and everyone here. Close or not, that's a different matter. At least you guys played a great part in my life. No doubt this 1.5 years will be the greatest of all my 19 years.
But I don't know how long I can hold on anymore.
I'm so, so tired of trying to become someone I can never be.
Signing off.
I CAN"T EVEN GET 40 OUT OF 60!!
People might see me smiling all the time, but how many can see inside me? Yeah, I'm smiling all the time, laughing all the time, but that does not mean I'm happy all the time.
Main concern right now : How to score the Chemistry Paper 2.
I just suck in Chemistry. And I'm alone. People in class always seem to be so smart, much smarter, all the time, in any subject. And I can barely cope with Chemistry, Physics or Further Mathematics. Not to mention GP also. I'm at my limit already. I just wanna break down and escape from all this. I can't stay strong all the time, and I'm not strong to begin with. Sometimes I think why did I take A-levels. Why did I have to torture myself with the long hours of classes, the never-ending tutorials, and I can't even understand some of the things I learnt. But no, I will not regret my decision to come here, TARC and taking Further Mathematics, for I will not have met people like Rach, Sam, Elie (though you transfered to KYUEM but I still consider you one of SN11P) and everyone here. Close or not, that's a different matter. At least you guys played a great part in my life. No doubt this 1.5 years will be the greatest of all my 19 years.
But I don't know how long I can hold on anymore.
I'm so, so tired of trying to become someone I can never be.
Signing off.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
April Fooled March Away
It's April now. Another month to AS. And i just finished my mid-test exam. GREAT. Anyway, the month passed by peacefully. I think. Of course not la!! With my class always crazy one la!! XD First, i shall review about my papers. SUCKY!! I don't know, maybe it's just me. Got back Chemistry today. As usual, 60+ and others go higher than me. But this time almost everyone got A. At least half the class. So i'm one of the lowest. I don't really care bout scores, but when half the class got A and i barely got a C, i sort of feel left out. I WANNA GET AN A TOO!! But i know i won't, i just suck at Chemistry. And then there's Physics. I got kinda good for paper 1, at least to my standard la. And i got 40+ for paper 2. So that makes another 60+ paper. YAY!! =) Apparently i got 80 for Maths, according to YSS. That means i still need to get another 100 for GP and F.M. Got so easy meh? Just pray la.
And now for the gossip for the month. For last month also. YV and JOHN!! After all that drama, chasing here and there, crying here and there, they finally coupled!! =) Before this they were already acting like a couple, but denying they are. So yeah. What a surprise! =P
But somehow i feel they won't last long. I mean not that i don't want them to, but i just have that feeling. Still, congratz to them both!! When's my turn i wonder? XD Probably i won't. LOL. I'm just the kind of person who falls in love without realising it, and when i do, it's already too late. I think. Since i haven't before, i can't imagine the feeling of liking someone romantically. So yeah. I can imagine my life during 30s, working like anything and still living with my mom. XD
Signing off.
And now for the gossip for the month. For last month also. YV and JOHN!! After all that drama, chasing here and there, crying here and there, they finally coupled!! =) Before this they were already acting like a couple, but denying they are. So yeah. What a surprise! =P
But somehow i feel they won't last long. I mean not that i don't want them to, but i just have that feeling. Still, congratz to them both!! When's my turn i wonder? XD Probably i won't. LOL. I'm just the kind of person who falls in love without realising it, and when i do, it's already too late. I think. Since i haven't before, i can't imagine the feeling of liking someone romantically. So yeah. I can imagine my life during 30s, working like anything and still living with my mom. XD
Signing off.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
March!! Don't push February away!!
Another month is gone. Yeah. Which means I'm getting nearer and nearer to A-Levels exam. And i just lost all my momentum in doing tutorials and studying.. D:
And so, talking bout February, quite a boring month. Boring as in everything is as usual. Boring as in not much lepak-ing and movie marathon-ing. Thinking back, i think i didn't go for any outing at all in February. OTL
Two more weeks and Mid Course attacks. NOOOOO~!!!!
But there's no helping it. Probably pray real hard i can still keep my scholarship. And at the rate i'm going, most probably not. Yeah, i can start thinking my speech when explaining to my mom.
And to make things worse, i was kinda emo last week and the week before that. I just lost all my fun-ness and became a down, down, DOWN, kind of guy. Hmmm. I don't feel like doing anything at all. :( Not even playing any games. Maybe i'm too stressed or it's just a phase. (god knows what phase it is)
But probably it's just my problem. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot. How sad my life is. How alone and helpless am i in this world. How i can't accomplish anything that i wanna accomplish. How bad am i as a person to other people. And then i realised what a " good " life i am having right now. OTL
Yeah. And i probably wasn't a good friend to anyone. I feel it's hard to be friends with me. As a boy, i don't indulge in things that boys like. Football? NO. Action packed movies? NO. Arcade? NO. And you may think i like stuff that girls like. NO. A big fat NO. At least to most of the things. And this means i'm sort of like in the middle. And no one is in the middle. But me. D:
And then i have no one to talk to. Absolutely no one. One: I don't have a best-friend-mom or dad or brother and definitely not sister. Two: I don't wanna kacau my friends with my problems. So conclusion? Keep it in and shut it in my heart forever and ever and after. And i was trained to keep everything to myself. Being the youngest i have no say in anything and no one to express my feelings to. And so i was used to keeping things to myself already. Bravo! OTL
Looking at facebook posts which say "awww..i miss you.." I never got any of that. Yeah. I'm being ridiculous. And i'm being the LOA guy. OTL But i can't help but feeling sad, lonely and sad. No one bothered to remember me. Am i so easily forgotten? Oh well.
That just showed how lonely and attention-seeker i was. But i guess i can't be good friends with everyone. And i'm tired of being someone i'm not just so they can accept me.
I'm just so, so tired..
Signing off.
And so, talking bout February, quite a boring month. Boring as in everything is as usual. Boring as in not much lepak-ing and movie marathon-ing. Thinking back, i think i didn't go for any outing at all in February. OTL
Two more weeks and Mid Course attacks. NOOOOO~!!!!
But there's no helping it. Probably pray real hard i can still keep my scholarship. And at the rate i'm going, most probably not. Yeah, i can start thinking my speech when explaining to my mom.
And to make things worse, i was kinda emo last week and the week before that. I just lost all my fun-ness and became a down, down, DOWN, kind of guy. Hmmm. I don't feel like doing anything at all. :( Not even playing any games. Maybe i'm too stressed or it's just a phase. (god knows what phase it is)
But probably it's just my problem. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot. How sad my life is. How alone and helpless am i in this world. How i can't accomplish anything that i wanna accomplish. How bad am i as a person to other people. And then i realised what a " good " life i am having right now. OTL
Yeah. And i probably wasn't a good friend to anyone. I feel it's hard to be friends with me. As a boy, i don't indulge in things that boys like. Football? NO. Action packed movies? NO. Arcade? NO. And you may think i like stuff that girls like. NO. A big fat NO. At least to most of the things. And this means i'm sort of like in the middle. And no one is in the middle. But me. D:
And then i have no one to talk to. Absolutely no one. One: I don't have a best-friend-mom or dad or brother and definitely not sister. Two: I don't wanna kacau my friends with my problems. So conclusion? Keep it in and shut it in my heart forever and ever and after. And i was trained to keep everything to myself. Being the youngest i have no say in anything and no one to express my feelings to. And so i was used to keeping things to myself already. Bravo! OTL
Looking at facebook posts which say "awww..i miss you.." I never got any of that. Yeah. I'm being ridiculous. And i'm being the LOA guy. OTL But i can't help but feeling sad, lonely and sad. No one bothered to remember me. Am i so easily forgotten? Oh well.
That just showed how lonely and attention-seeker i was. But i guess i can't be good friends with everyone. And i'm tired of being someone i'm not just so they can accept me.
I'm just so, so tired..
Signing off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)