October month already. Time flies even when you're not enjoying. Proven. It was only like yesterday when I had my trials and getting the awful results. And now I'm preparing for the important-est exam in my life. OMG so scary. Anyway, I have been a good boy recently I guess.
I started going to the library daily for few weeks now. First it wasn't that easy to wake up early and be a nerd in the library but now it became a habit. Am I turning into a bookworm?!!!! NOOOOO~ But obviously I didn't go there to study only. Main priority : DOWNLOAD. XD The internet is there for me to abuse so why not? And the speed is not that bad either. Since I'm a download freak, I think I downloaded more than 40 movies and few series there. XD OMG I should stop before I get addicted. Oh well, too late. XD I'm now into Korean movies. Mainly because the actors and actresses are so hot!!! I know some of them are fake (behold the power of plastic surgery) but still they managed to make them look so handsome and beautiful. *Jealous* And secondly because some of the series got pretty good reviews. My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho is one. Secret Garden is another. And then there's Iris, Athena, Personal Preference, etc. So yeah. I downloaded all of them. Thanks to TARC's library internet. XD
But with me going to the library everyday, things tend to change on the other side too. I mean hostelians and me. I was the only one going to the library everyday. So we tend to talk lesser and lesser. And whenever we talk it'll be on Dragon Nest, which I don't play all that often. I still play, but I don't do research on what skills to learn first, or which job is more suitable for PVP-ing. I just play according to my own way and direction. I don't refer to online skill guide or search on youtube for videos on the combos available. I personally feel that when we're playing a character based game we should shape the character into how we want it to be, not according to some online guide. If we do follow we are playing according to the author's way of playing, so what's the point? Anyway I feel like I'm drifting further away from the hostelians. Yes we still talk, but we're just not that close anymore. Oh well I guess I can't have the best of both worlds. As one of the FB pictures suggest, we can only choose 2 out of social, studies and time. At the moment I chose studies and time.
But though I go to the library everyday, I wonder if it helps at all. I'm not that good in studies, but I think I can manage a bit of all subjects. But a bit is not enough now. I had to score like really well in A2 just to be able to enrol in a good university and fight for scholarship. Enrolling in a good university isn't that much trouble, scholarship is. I'm practically competing with 4A* people. With my results, no chance. ='( And the thing about past year papers. I can do it pretty ok, but when it comes to real exam, K.O. I can't do like I did with the PYPs. I don't know why. The PYPs always seems easier. Like the past MP paper, it wasn't like the PYPs. It was more difficult. Not mentioning I didn't master all the syllabus. *sigh*
And this time the timetable is pretty sucky as well. MP on a Friday, MA on the next Friday, FMP Chem P4 Phy P4 in the same week, FMA Chem P5 and Phy P5 in the next. OTL I can choose only 2 out of FMP Chem and Phy to do ok-ly. But I don't have a choice but to choose all 3. I can't finish all the syllabuses in time. I guarantee that. 3 subjects total more than 50 chapters to study. And most of them are not short chapters. ='( I can't tell anybody bout this. Everyone is just equally stressed. But what's different is I'm not as bright as them. All those going to the library are way better than me. I'm like one of the dumb-est there. *sigh*
Mom called yesterday. She confirmed if I'm going back on Friday the 18th. It's my cousin's wedding reception the next day. And after all the chat she ended with "Don't play around anymore. It's your final paper. Be sure to give it your all." One: I'm not playing around since AS. It's just that I need a break so I tend to relax a lot. She wouldn't understand the pressure we're under with exams every 2 months. Two: I'm giving my all this time. Like seriously my all. I can't help it if I'm not smart enough to understand every single thing I study. Three: I didn't receive any "Don't stress yourself too much. Be sure to rest enough. " It's always "Don't fool around anymore. You need to ace the paper." Maybe she didn't realise but she's giving me unlimited stress and pressure. It's bad enough when I'm stressed because I know I can't do all that well. And then there's this push from home. I think I'll fall off the "cliff" someday.
What I can do now is only pray to God to bless me with knowledge and guidance to do my papers. I don't talk to Him all that often, but I think I should now.
Signing off.
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