December : Time For A Break

December. First thing that comes into my mind when I hear that word is HOLIDAYS!!! But I've been holiday-ing since November, so it's not a big deal now. Well, I just came back from Penang with the peeps. It was fun, but personally I feel it's kinda hectic. I mean we're like on a rush all the time. Rush rush rush. This wasn't my kind of perfect outing but still it was kinda successful. Minus the frustration from no public transport. And stuffs that happened along the way. Let's see if I still remember what we did then. 

The trip's on 29 November. But I came back a day earlier as I went shopping with my aunt and my mom. Shop shop shop in Sunway Pyramid. I didn't buy much. Nothing attracts me there. I don't know why. Oh well. Maybe it's cause I'm shopping with my family instead of my friends. XD Then had Tony Romas (don't know how to spell) for the first time. SUPER FULL when I'm finished. It's like triple or 4 times normal McD set. So didn't have dinner that night. 

The day finally arrived!! All the wangsa people gathered at JW's house so we can go together. Even MW came to join in the crowd. He's not going cause he needs to go UK for interview with Cambridge. And my first time happened that night. With John. O.O Nah!! I just had a bath with him. Like nude together gether. Like seriously take off everything and we can see each other's ehem. XD Nothing much, just not used to bathing with someone NAKED. I did bathe with a lot of people during my NS times, but not as much nudity as this. New experience. XD Then had pizza for dinner. And off we go to KL Central for the midnight train to Penang. 

Reached Penang around 7? Somewhere near that time. Can't remember. Had breakfast at some hawker stall and started walking to Ryokan, our hotel. More like a dorm actually. I don't know. It feels dorm-y. Then started checking out the museums, churches and stuff. And some of us went back to Ryokan first while the other group went to meet Cal and Hui hui. Then dinner and went back hotel. That night skyped with MW. XD 

The next morning went Kek Lok Si and Bukit Bendera. Woke up around 7, start cleaning and off we go!! Hiked much, walked much, saw much. Then decided to skip Fort Cornwallis for Penang Street. Makan makan makan. XD That night went to Gurney for dinner. And went to Overtime's next door shop, Coffee Island. Save some money for later. =)

The next morning woke up earlier. Need to take the speedboat to Langkawi. Not exactly a speedboat. More like a faster ferry. Reached Langkawi somewhere in the afternoon. Had lunch in a Thai restaurant and went to the house we rented. Rested for a while and time to hit the waterfall!!! Had a good time there. Highlight of the day, Cal forgot to bring extra shorts!!! So he had to play around in his swimming trunks only. XD And the girls bought batik for the beach later. And we hit the beach for the sunset. Haihz. No sunset cause too much clouds blocking. Grrrr.. But still we walked around the beach, played in the water, so still ok lar. Then went for dinner at a nearby shop. After that we bought alcohol!!! Planning to get drunk that night. Hahahaha.. Reached homestay, bathed and dressed nicely. Why? TIME FOR PUB-ING!!! XD But the driver could only  allocate one hour for us, oh well. But we went there just for the feel. And then went back to drink the ones we bought. Bobo, Sam, Cherrie, KF, JW and SS didn't drink. Louis drank a little. So the ones drinking are Cal, Hui Hui, John, YV, YT and me!!! YT was sorta drunk that night.. So funny!! Hui Hui's practically drunk. Cal also blur blur ady. So are John and YV. I drank the most, but I'm also the most sober among all of them. Gotta make sure all of them slept only I sleep. Gosh I feel like a dad making sure all my kids sleep. XD 

The next morning woke up early. SAM'S fault!!!! But no hangover anything. I CAN DRINK!!! :D Hahahaha.. went for breakie and started shopping. But not enough time to really shop cause need to take the ferry back to Kuala Kedah and then the midnight train to KL Central. Everyone's tired so slept in the train. XD

And back to wangsa. John, YV, SS and Bobo went back to their homes straight away. And the leftovers stayed at JW's house and went shopping for 3 days straight till everyone went back to their own hometown. 

All in all it was great able to spend time with them. Gonna miss them lots.

Signing off. 

October : Preparation For A2

October month already. Time flies even when you're not enjoying. Proven. It was only like yesterday when I had my trials and getting the awful results. And now I'm preparing for the important-est exam in my life. OMG so scary. Anyway, I have been a good boy recently I guess.

I started going to the library daily for few weeks now. First it wasn't that easy to wake up early and be a nerd in the library but now it became a habit. Am I turning into a bookworm?!!!! NOOOOO~ But obviously I didn't go there to study only. Main priority : DOWNLOAD. XD The internet is there for me to abuse so why not? And the speed is not that bad either. Since I'm a download freak, I think I downloaded more than 40 movies and few series there. XD OMG I should stop before I get addicted. Oh well, too late. XD I'm now into Korean movies. Mainly because the actors and actresses are so hot!!! I know some of them are fake (behold the power of plastic surgery) but still they managed to make them look so handsome and beautiful. *Jealous* And secondly because some of the series got pretty good reviews. My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho is one. Secret Garden is another. And then there's Iris, Athena, Personal Preference, etc. So yeah. I downloaded all of them. Thanks to TARC's library internet. XD

But with me going to the library everyday, things tend to change on the other side too. I mean hostelians and me. I was the only one going to the library everyday. So we tend to talk lesser and lesser. And whenever we talk it'll be on Dragon Nest, which I don't play all that often. I still play, but I don't do research on what skills to learn first, or which job is more suitable for PVP-ing. I just play according to my own way and direction. I don't refer to online skill guide or search on youtube for videos on the combos available. I personally feel that when we're playing a character based game we should shape the character into how we want it to be, not according to some online guide. If we do follow we are playing according to the author's way of playing, so what's the point? Anyway I feel like I'm drifting further away from the hostelians. Yes we still talk, but we're just not that close anymore. Oh well I guess I can't have the best of both worlds. As one of the FB pictures suggest, we can only choose 2 out of social, studies and time. At the moment I chose studies and time.

But though I go to the library everyday, I wonder if it helps at all. I'm not that good in studies, but I think I can manage a bit of all subjects. But a bit is not enough now. I had to score like really well in A2 just to be able to enrol in a good university and fight for scholarship. Enrolling in a good university isn't that much trouble, scholarship is. I'm practically competing with 4A* people. With my results, no chance. ='( And the thing about past year papers. I can do it pretty ok, but when it comes to real exam, K.O. I can't do like I did with the PYPs. I don't know why. The PYPs always seems easier. Like the past MP paper, it wasn't like the PYPs. It was more difficult. Not mentioning I didn't master all the syllabus. *sigh*

And this time the timetable is pretty sucky as well. MP on a Friday, MA on the next Friday, FMP Chem P4 Phy P4 in the same week, FMA Chem P5 and Phy P5 in the next. OTL I can choose only 2 out of FMP Chem and Phy to do ok-ly. But I don't have a choice but to choose all 3. I can't finish all the syllabuses in time. I guarantee that. 3 subjects total more than 50 chapters to study. And most of them are not short chapters. ='( I can't tell anybody bout this. Everyone is just equally stressed. But what's different is I'm not as bright as them. All those going to the library are way better than me. I'm like one of the dumb-est there. *sigh*

Mom called yesterday. She confirmed if I'm going back on Friday the 18th. It's my cousin's wedding reception the next day. And after all the chat she ended with "Don't play around anymore. It's your final paper. Be sure to give it your all." One: I'm not playing around since AS. It's just that I need a break so I tend to relax a lot. She wouldn't understand the pressure we're under with exams every 2 months. Two: I'm giving my all this time. Like seriously my all. I can't help it if I'm not smart enough to understand every single thing I study. Three: I didn't receive any "Don't stress yourself too much. Be sure to rest enough. " It's always "Don't fool around anymore. You need to ace the paper." Maybe she didn't realise but she's giving me unlimited stress and pressure. It's bad enough when I'm stressed because I know I can't do all that well. And then there's this push from home. I think I'll fall off the "cliff" someday.

What I can do now is only pray to God to bless me with knowledge and guidance to do my papers. I don't talk to Him all that often, but I think I should now.




Signing off.

September : TRIALS!!

So I just had my trials last week. And I'm having classes already. G.R.E.A.T  =____=
OK, back to trials. First problem of all : THE TIMETABLE SUCKS HARD!!!!!
It was P4 Chemistry with FMP, P4 Physics with MA and FMA in 3 days consecutively. I mean WTF?!!!! As if Chemistry is not bad enough TARC have to have FMP on the same day. And Physics have to be not left alone. And FMA have to be in the same week. How in the world am I gonna handle 3 Maths paper in the same week not mentioning two of them are FM?!!!!! Way to go TARC. Thanks for ruining my trials results. I was planning to apply for that UCAS or something. But looking at the timetable I know I'm gonna fuck up my trials real bad. Oh, did I mention all the easy papers like P5 Chemistry, P5 Physics and MP are on another week? These are my scoring papers and they have it in another week, AFTER all those depressing papers. Come on lar, who the hell will have the mood to study after screwing up the papers before that. I know I don't.

And classes started already. So considering my efficient lecturer's performance, results are out. And as I have guessed, results were real bad. Like REAL BAD. I failed 2 papers and got D for another 2. Damn I might even fail 3 subjects. And it was trials too. Not that I didn't try my best, I did. I studied till 3am for one week. Just to finish all the syllabus for all subjects. And it didn't help much. Since I can't answer anything much when the paper came out. Damn stress during trials. For the first time I cried studying. Not the normal crying out loud type. Just the silent cry with tears flowing and not making a sound. I guess nobody knew or guessed that I cried because of exam. Well I did. For the first time. I can foresee more of that moment.

I can sort of imagine what my mom will say right now. And she'll be so angry she'll be shouting till the whole house shook, asking why I get such a bad result. (Exaggerating much.. LOL..) And she will start saying all kinds of things like how I keep on playing, how I don't study, how I wasted her money sending me to college, how this will affect my future, bla bla bla. As if I don't know how much college costs. As if I don't know how bad my future seems to be. But what she doesn't know is my situation. My feelings. My thoughts. Having bad results, who doesn't feel down?!! And she will keep nagging and nagging like I don't care about my results. I DO. If not I wouldn't be studying till late night, going for classes when I don't even feel like going. And it won't pass her mind that I am sad at the moment. Hoping for some encouragement or comforting from her. But no. She will just scold and scold and scold. It has always been like that since young. Or maybe the thought did get to her but she still does the scolding. I wonder which is worse; she scolding without having the thought that I am sad or with the thought? Hmmmm...

And I won't tell her about how I studied till 3am. Or the fact that I cried during exam. I won't. She will probably make fun of my effort or say things like "Who ask you to study at the last minute?" etc etc. But what she doesn't know is how much we need to study. How difficult it is to finish all in time. How difficult it is to score a decent 50 out of 100. How difficult the paper is until so many things so many other students can't answer. There's so many things she doesn't know. She is still in the world that I can get first place in every test, getting full As in every major exam. I've accepted the fact that I'm not that good in studies, compared to people like Andrew or Min Yue or Jun Hui. I've moved on, but she's still in that world. And I have brothers who went through F6. So you may think that they are supportive. But no. They will start asking questions like "Why did you not study?" or "Why can't you handle the paper if you studied?" How am I supposed to answer those questions? It's not like they will understand my answer. I mean they're not me. So they can't understand what I'm going through. My family's like this. They have always been. And I'm not expecting them to change. I just need to be patient till I have the ability to survive on my own without depending on them. Many will think I'm such a bad child, but I can't help it. Blame the way I'm brought up. Blame the environment I'm in. Or just blame me.

Now I need to drug myself with games so that I don't have to look at my books. Looking at them reminds me of my results. And the question whether studying will make a difference. I'm not someone who can study 24/7. I'm not someone who can understand everything I study. I'm not someone who can relate everything to anything. I'm just who I am, an average boy who likes to have fun and try to take things as it is. But it seems everyone expects me to be somebody else. Far from who I am. And that's why I have 2 faces. One I show here in college and another at home. I'm just so so tired from fulfilling everyone's expectation. Who's gonna fulfil mine? *sigh*



Signing off.

August : Busy Month

It's the last day of the month today. Happy Independence people!! Not that I really care bout the whole merdeka thing, but it's a holiday!! That's all matters. Haha.. Anyway, this was a busy month. Like real busy.

First, the biggest event this month is Yue Ting and Simon's wedding thingy. Well, the buffet was on 28th and the prayers stuff on 29th. So there's this rush since there's only a month to prepare for everything. Anyways, everything went smoothly I guess. No last minute trouble, no last minute sorry-I-can't-come-shit. And there's Cherrie's birthday too. Kinda went well. LOL. And then need to go shopping for stuff a lot. So I went out almost once every 2 days. Hehe..

Friday
School holidays started on Friday, but since I was going for this event, I stayed in KL. And everyone seems to be going back, except me. You can imagine how bored to death I am, almost alone in hostel, no one to gai gai with, or watch movie with, or do anything with. And so I decided to follow JW to fetch YT for baby check-up. He fetch her all the way from Wangsa to Shah Alam. Though it wasn't that fun, but at least I had something to kill time. The whole journey took the whole day, with me only reaching hostel around 9 something. We had some Hakka food on the way to Shah Alam, kinda famous I guess, since YT keep insisting to eat there. Considering I'm half Hakka, the food can be considered some traditional food? Then we went to some hospital somewhere for her baby ultrasound scan. The baby's body already developed pretty much, I can see the hands, fingers, feet, those body parts. However, it's gender can only be determined next month. (awwww~) So then fetched YT back to her house and we (JW and I) came back. And that was it for the day.

Saturday
Didn't do much in the morning. Woke up, went to canteen to pack some food, and back to my room. Then I tried to finish Cherrie's birthday card. It was assembled in JW's place on Thursday, but the writings needed to be done with a silver-inked pen. And I asked from YV and JW said he will come to class early on Friday to finish it up. Haihz. He came to class late and I forgot to get the pen from YV. So I bought a silver pen from the shop in hostel and trying to write down wishes since all of them went back home. But the fucking pen won't spit out ink. And it's new. I keep on writing and writing but still the ink won't come out. I wanted to try burning the tip but there's no lighter. And then I just start poking the pen into the card. ( You know Jay Chou's Secret movie? There's this part near the ending where he used the correction liquid on the table? Yeah, I did the same with the silver pen. LOL.. ) It took me almost 3 hours just to finish writing "We love you" and colouring it. After that I remembered I need to photostat some notes for Elie. So I walked to TBR with Louis and got it done. During the night, KF and JW came to hostel to fetch us to Jusco for dinner and to shop for eggs and red colouring since we planned to make red eggs for Cherrie. And we collected YT's crystals and wrapped Cherrie's present. When everything was ready it was already 12 something midnight. So JW and KF plan to spend the night in hostel so we can start preparing the eggs early morning. But they failed. The guards suspected KF and wanted to see his hostel ID which is Louis's. Even JW managed to pass by the guards and KF failed. Yong sui ah KF!! Sadly, JW and KF need to go back to Metroview. Louis got the first warning from the guards. Sad case lar KF. It was 2 something after I packed my bag and all. But I couldn't sleep till 4 something. And only got around 2 hours of sleep. Old Town White Coffee's fault.

Sunday
Woke up at 7 to prepare the eggs. Then woke up Carmen up. KF, JW and MW came to hostel to fetch us. When everyone's ready we went to PV5 to surprise Cherrie. Reached there around 9.30. Initial plan was to ask Cherrie to open the door and we shout Happy Birthday bla bla bla. But she didn't want to and we ended up waiting for almost an hour for Cherrie to step out of her unit. Sadly the surprise part didn't go too well. LOL. We were all chernobyl-ing from the wait and KF sort of just gave the signal to jump out, but we were all so blur. So we didn't quite follow his insructions and stayed at our hiding place.. LOL. KF sort of embarrassed himself. LOL.. In front of his boyfriend as well. Double KO. Hahahaha.. Anyway, went to the business park for breakfast. Then KF, MW, Louis and me went to Wangsa Walk to shop for KF's shirt. Around 1 fetched Boon Kiat (Cherrie's boyfriend's name) to Pekeliling for his bus back to Kuantan. Then we start journey to JW's house. Reached there around 5. All of us got ready for the night and went to Giant to shop for stuff to use when pranking the groom the next day. We reached YT's house around 6 something. Elie was there early. And she reminded me of the notes that was in JW's house. OTL Anyway, had a good time, eating and drinking whisky. LOL. Cherrie got drunk that night. Hahaha.. Embarrassing betul. LOL.

Monday
Woke up at 6 just to wake the girls up. They need to put on make up ma. Tried to sleep again. Woke up again at 7. Haihz. 2 days only almost 8 hours of sleep. I'M NOT USED TO INSUFFICIENT SLEEP!!! After everyone's ready, off to YT's house!!! Met her other 2 ji muis and start going through the whole pranking briefing. Well, it started with the 4 tastes; bitter, sour, spicy and sweet. Man, they got some leaves which tastes bitter like anything. Worse than bitter gourd. And I only tasted one super tiny piece. And one of the guys swallowed the whole thing. Damn I respect that guy. LOL. Then there's the eating grapes thingy. One of the guys supposed to wear a bra with grapes and another blindfolded with bra is supposed to eat them. LOL. Funny lar. And then there's this banana peeling thing also, but due to insufficient time, it was replaced with another prank. Simon's friends will need to wear pampers and Simon will need to write on their asses with his mouth. LOL. After everything finished, prayers, tea drinking and ang pow giving session commence. Then off to Simon's house for the same thing. And I drove Rach's MyVi there. Yay!!! LOL. After that, went to Tien Hou Gong for prayers. (THG is some famous temple it seems, but I didn't know it existed. Oh well.. ) And I came back to Seremban on the same day.




Signing off.

July: Forget About The Title

It's July now. Wait. I should probably say it's gonna be August tomorrow since today's the last day in this month. Not much happened in this month. Let's see.. Hmm..

Cherrie bought a new phone, Iphone 4. And I sort of got addicted to a game, if I'm not mistaken it's called Cows vs Aliens. Well, let's say I'm kinda good at it. LOL. And of course there's other games as well. But I'm just got addicted to that only, somehow.

And then there's this sudden obsession with movies. Hmm. For the past weeks, we (the hostelians) have a movie watching time in Cal's room. Every night around 11 we'll gather at his room and then watch a movie or two. The movies range from anything to anything. And strictly no romance movies. LOL. So I gotta watch them alone. =(  Anyway, we had a sudden addiction to violent movies first, so we watch all the Child's Play series, aka Chucky. And then we turned to horror movies. Which is very disappointing especially the English ones. They suck hard. Even I can sleep during The Exorcist (1973) , which is said to be the best horror movie of all time. Not to mention The Grudge's series, The Ring, The Eye, etc. We didn't bother watching all that. Results are already predictable. XD And so last Thursday we watched Dawn Of The Dead. It was good, provided Yong Tat and I were watching together. Haha. Coz we sort of made the movie more exciting with us screaming around and stuff. LOL. Anyway, now it's the zombie season. XD

Okayyy. And I gonna have a brother/sister soon!! XD I mean not blood-related, but I have a "mother" in class. So yeah. You can guess already. Anyway, I was sort of her caretaker in class, reminding her not to eat what's not allowed to be eaten. Food like curry, watermelon, fried stuff, etc. Sad right. Thank God I won't get pregnant ever. XD LOL. Anyway, since it was so sudden, they have to rush stuff now. The wedding reception, baby check-ups, stuffs like that. We need to complete everything in a month, when those things are normally done in 3 months or more. Oh, did I mention we? Since it was so sudden, and I am very close to her, I was asked to be her "ji mui". Hmmm.. I wasn't very sure but to my knowlegde "ji mui"s are those playing pranks on the groom and collecting ang pows. Yeah. Normally girls will take those roles, but I.. Haihz. Oh well. Not that it was already confirmed but I had a very high chance. >__< And Cherrie was to be her maid-of-honor. And Rachel as her ji mui also. Other stuff was to  be confirmed soon. =) Still I'm happy for her. And I will become the baby's godfather or godbrother or goduncle. LOL.

What else? Oh yeah. I need to start paying for A2 papers' fee soon. =( Expensive like anything. I'll need to pay about RM1000+ for the papers. Not including if I'm gonna retake any AS papers. And AS results are coming out in 2 weeks. Not nervous, just worried. I have not enough money to retake any papers. =( Just pray that I get good results. No need to be great, just good. If You give me GREAT results then Thank YOU!! =)

Well, that should be it. Or I can't think of anything more to write.



Signing off.

June 12, 2011 - Sad

I was Facebook-ing as usual today. Then one of my junior from high school pm-ed me. He told me one of our friends passed away. I was like " O__O you serious? " You see, that guy was my junior in high school also, though I barely know him. In school he looked like any other normal boy, but then he has leukemia. Leukemia is one of those blood disease. I have them too. Mine is thalassemia, but I'm only a carrier. So yeah. But the thing is he is only 17 this year, I think. So young and he passed away. =(

POON KYE WEN~
Though I barely know you, but fate made us meet.
I will pray for you.




(omg.. I'm just so speechless..) ;-(

June: Month of I-Don't-Know

It's June now. So fast time passes. It's been a year and a month I'm in TARC and I enjoyed myself here. =) Anyway, I just finished my AS Exam last Wednesday. And I need to start on A2 like straight away. =3= Well, classes start tomorrow, the first Monday after the exam. I WANT MY HOLIDAYS!!! Still, I feel happy as my life will have a direction then, not the usual what-should-i-do-today mood especially during holidays. However, I still wanna have more holidays, to rest (mostly sleep) and download stuff (movies..) and to eat without using money (mom's there to pay.. XD)

Right, so what happened in June so far? Well, the most amazing news in June : I FINISHED MY AS EXAM!!! WOO HOOOO~!!!!!!!!!!! XD My conclusion of the subjects so far.. Wait. It's after 24 hours already so it's ok.. XD (Cambridge have this 24-hours security rule which forbids us from participating in any forums to discuss the papers taken. So just in case we didn't even discuss the paper on FB.. >__< )

Anyway, my conclusion on the whole torturing exam month ;
MP - It was one of the easiest paper!! In fact probably the easiest I should say. It was a good start to AS, giving me the "hey! I can do this!" kind of feel. But that's like only one day. There's more depressing stuff coming.

MA - Was kinda ok too. But hey, it's maths. If you can't even handle maths don't even think about facing other subjects.

CHEM - P1 was just ok. I'll be thankful if I can score 30 out of 40. P2 was kinda ok also. Not as hard as I imagined. But others were complaining the paper was very difficult. I was like " O.o really? " Then I started to  worry. I suck at Chemistry and I find the paper ok, others.. Then I started to panic if I did the whole paper wrongly or something. Gahhhh!! Whatever lar!!! was the mood for that day. Then P3 came. The most disastrous paper in AS!! At least to me. First, I don't know what I'm doing the whole 2 hours. I just did blurly. Second, I couldn't finish the paper. All the experiment took so long especially salt analysis, which took most of the scores for the paper. OTL Third, after the paper, I realise that I did wrongly for the experiments. So probably for results I won't score a thing, but then there's carry forward marks. Thank God!!! However, I was really down after P3. You will probably think I will commit suicide that night. XD But lucky there's friends who tried to cheer me up. =) Thank you Kit Fai, Min Yue, Cherrie and Jun Hui!! Really glad you guys took the time to teman me through my downest moment. =D Haihz. I will be happy if I can get a B for Chemistry now, though was hoping for A. Oh well, P3 just made A a dream. =(

PHY - P1 was blur. I have not enough time to finish the paper, I mean I just simply do the paper. >__< Haihz. This year Physics papers very different from past years. In P1, almost all the questions are theory ones. =3= And I screwed up the whole paper. OTL And P2? Ok gua. I don't know. Forgot ady. XD But as far as I remember it was not that bad. AND THEY TOOK AWAY MY NUCLEAR PHYSICS!!!! D< That's my scoring part!!!! Arghhhh!!! Anyway, P3 was very ok!! Except that I made a huge mistake in both experiments, but there's always carry forward marks. =) So as usual happy to get B but hoping for an A.

GP - Another mother-effing-super-difficult paper. =3= I am not a writer. I can't crap like Rach and make sense at the same time. And it proved me right that I shouldn't take it in the first place. So bottom line? C. That's all I'm hoping for. I know I will not get a B coz I only did my second essay last 30 minutes and as I remember I wrote out of topic. So yeah. God, make Cambridge gimme a C and I'll be thankful.

And there's no FM in AS. Hooray!! If not it will only be more depressing. And I dropped GP!!! Finally I can get away from that evil subject which almost cost me my scholarship twice. D<




Signing off.

May : Month Of Stress

Right. It's May now. And AS's started last Monday. And semester 3 started as well. Next paper's Chemistry 2 which is on coming Monday. OMG. I feel like killing myself.

I CAN"T EVEN GET 40 OUT OF 60!!

People might see me smiling all the time, but how many can see inside me? Yeah, I'm smiling all the time, laughing all the time, but that does not mean I'm happy all the time.

Main concern right now : How to score the Chemistry Paper 2.

I just suck in Chemistry. And I'm alone. People in class always seem to be so smart, much smarter, all the time, in any subject. And I can barely cope with Chemistry, Physics or Further Mathematics. Not to mention GP also. I'm at my limit already. I just wanna break down and escape from all this. I can't stay strong all the time, and I'm not strong to begin with. Sometimes I think why did I take A-levels. Why did I have to torture myself with the long hours of classes, the never-ending tutorials, and I can't even understand some of the things I learnt. But no, I will not regret my decision to come here, TARC and taking Further Mathematics, for I will not have met people like Rach, Sam, Elie (though you transfered to KYUEM but I still consider you one of SN11P) and everyone here. Close or not, that's a different matter. At least you guys played a great part in my life. No doubt this 1.5 years will be the greatest of all my 19 years.

But I don't know how long I can hold on anymore.
I'm so, so tired of trying to become someone I can never be.




Signing off.

April Fooled March Away

It's April now. Another month to AS. And i just finished my mid-test exam. GREAT. Anyway, the month passed by peacefully. I think. Of course not la!! With my class always crazy one la!! XD First, i shall review about my papers. SUCKY!! I don't know, maybe it's just me. Got back Chemistry today. As usual, 60+ and others go higher than me. But this time almost everyone got A. At least half the class. So i'm one of the lowest. I don't really care bout scores, but when half the class got A and i barely got a C, i sort of feel left out. I WANNA GET AN A TOO!! But i know i won't, i just suck at Chemistry. And then there's Physics. I got kinda good for paper 1, at least to my standard la. And i got 40+ for paper 2. So that makes another 60+ paper. YAY!! =) Apparently i got 80 for Maths, according to YSS. That means i still need to get another 100 for GP and F.M. Got so easy meh? Just pray la.

And now for the gossip for the month. For last month also. YV and JOHN!! After all that drama, chasing here and there, crying here and there, they finally coupled!! =) Before this they were already acting like a couple, but denying they are. So yeah. What a surprise! =P
But somehow i feel they won't last long. I mean not that i don't want them to, but i just have that feeling. Still, congratz to them both!! When's my turn i wonder? XD Probably i won't. LOL. I'm just the kind of person who falls in love without realising it, and when i do, it's already too late. I think. Since i haven't before, i can't imagine the feeling of liking someone romantically. So yeah. I can imagine my life during 30s, working like anything and still living with my mom. XD




Signing off.

March!! Don't push February away!!

Another month is gone. Yeah. Which means I'm getting nearer and nearer to A-Levels exam. And i just lost all my momentum in doing tutorials and studying.. D:
And so, talking bout February, quite a boring month. Boring as in everything is as usual. Boring as in not much lepak-ing and movie marathon-ing. Thinking back, i think i didn't go for any outing at all in February. OTL
Two more weeks and Mid Course attacks. NOOOOO~!!!!
But there's no helping it. Probably pray real hard i can still keep my scholarship. And at the rate i'm going, most probably not. Yeah, i can start thinking my speech when explaining to my mom.
And to make things worse, i was kinda emo last week and the week before that. I just lost all my fun-ness and became a down, down, DOWN, kind of guy. Hmmm. I don't feel like doing anything at all. :( Not even playing any games. Maybe i'm too stressed or it's just a phase. (god knows what phase it is)
But probably it's just my problem. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot. How sad my life is. How alone and helpless am i in this world. How i can't accomplish anything that i wanna accomplish. How bad am i as a person to other people. And then i realised what a " good " life i am having right now. OTL
Yeah. And i probably wasn't a good friend to anyone. I feel it's hard to be friends with me. As a boy, i don't indulge in things that boys like. Football? NO. Action packed movies? NO. Arcade? NO. And you may think i like stuff that girls like. NO. A big fat NO. At least to most of the things. And this means i'm sort of like in the middle. And no one is in the middle. But me. D:
And then i have no one to talk to. Absolutely no one. One: I don't have a best-friend-mom or dad or brother and definitely not sister. Two: I don't wanna kacau my friends with my problems. So conclusion? Keep it in and shut it in my heart forever and ever and after. And i was trained to keep everything to myself. Being the youngest i have no say in anything and no one to express my feelings to. And so i was used to keeping things to myself already. Bravo! OTL
Looking at facebook posts which say "awww..i miss you.." I never got any of that. Yeah. I'm being ridiculous. And i'm being the LOA guy. OTL But i can't help but feeling sad, lonely and sad. No one bothered to remember me. Am i so easily forgotten? Oh well.
That just showed how lonely and attention-seeker i was. But i guess i can't be good friends with everyone. And i'm tired of being someone i'm not just so they can accept me.
I'm just so, so tired..




Signing off.

January Gone!! O____O

It’s February!! And bye bye January!! I’ll miss you.. :(

Let’s see what I did in January..hmmm..
First off, COLLEGE STARTS AGAIN!! :D Well, i feel so happy mostly coz i will see my friends again.. And another coz i rot , decomposed and grow again just to repeat the cycle daily at home. Anyway, glad to start class again but this time without Elie.

ELIE YIP MEI HUI!! YOU COME BACK HERE!!! D<

Ouh. FYI she went to KYUEM (I always forget where it is.. >.<’’) and fighting ALONE there. Classes starts again , tutorials start piling up again , screwing practicals up again , blah blah blah.. But something different this semester. NO MORE TBR!! >D I moved to hostel lur~ And maybe it’s just me but somehow i feel better staying in hostel. And coz there’s always someone for me to kacau, I always crash at someone’s place. Mostly Cal’s , er , make it all the time. >D And i started doing tutorials!! Let’s just hope my willpower will last long enough. And Mer Win and i burnt two resistors. How did it happened? Apparently Mer Win mixed up between an A.C. power supply and a electometer (not sure the exact term.. ><) And so he just on the power supply and poof!! Smokes coming out and some strange smell too. XD
Then the birthdays. It was Louis’s this time. But we didn’t really celebrate coz he went back for the weekend. Oh well.
And the lepakings as usual. Pasar malam , shoppings , movies , etc etc. But mostly shoppings coz need to buy new clothes ma. And i overspent like A LOT. And there’s like more and more stuff for me to buy. T.T
Ouh. This time CNY was a little different for me. We lit up the gigantic paper balloon. I think it’s called Kung Ming Teng (forgive my sucky pin yin) The plan was makan somewhere , which ended up in some place (i forgot the name > <) and then off to Titiwangsa. There’s this place with a huge lake. The same old lovey dovey place. But we took our stuff. And i sort of written some chinese words. But then i gave up and wrote english. Special huh. XD